The Role of Aunties

I love Aunties. Everyone needs to have Aunties in their life. Lots of Aunties.

Aunties are like Mom, but Not-Mom. When you’re a kid or teen, sometimes you need a trustworthy adult to confide in or ask questions that you can’t, for whatever reason, ask your own parents.  Aunties can give you a little different perspective about the world. Aunties don’t mind giving you a little extra candy or sneaking you that first grownup book that might be a LITTLE bit above your current reading and maturity level. Aunties are like your first therapist and if you’re REALLY lucky, you might get some Aunties that are a teensy bit subversive. We all need a little subversive influence now and again.

Aunties aren’t just important when you’re a kid. When you grow up, you might find yourself with some new Aunties. They might be a trusted professor or coworker or boss with life experience they’re willing to share with you.  They look out for you. They teach you how to navigate the tricky grownup world. Business people like to call these “mentors” but the older I get, the more I realize what they really are. They are Aunties in business suits.

So why exactly am I on about Aunties today? Because this morning I lost one. 

We weren’t related biologically, but she was definitely my Auntie. I’ve known her literally my entire life. Most of the memories I have of my early childhood involve our families doing things together. We were family. She was my second Mom and I’ve always thought of her daughters as sisters, even if we’ve grown apart as adults.

Once upon a time, at a pivotal point in my early 20s, this particular Auntie gave me some invaluable advice that I will never, ever forget. It was kind of a funny conversation. Not even a topic we would normally have talked about, but she’d just observed a situation unfolding and a tiny subversive Auntie streak (a streak I didn't know she had) came roaring to life.

She told me to always remember that my life is exactly that – MINE. And regardless of what external pressure I’m under and no matter WHO is applying that pressure, there are times you simply cannot go along with everyone else’s expectations. Because some compromises you can never take back. Your heart knows what is right. Listen to it.

And I did. Every time I find myself at a crossroads in life, I listen to what my heart is saying. What it’s ACTUALLY saying, not what I WANT it to say and definitely not what other people are telling me it SHOULD say. 

Sometimes that means I’ve made decisions that other people didn’t really like. But I’ve never made a decision that was ultimately wrong. Ever.

That was the most precious gift any Auntie ever gave me.